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Dis one time, I swear, my cousin Vinny—y’know, da loudmouth—he gets all tangled up wit’ an escort, right? Thinks he’s Tony Montana or somethin’. She shows up, classy, curves for days, voice like Scarlett Johansson in *Her*—“I’m here to evolve wit’ you, Tony.” He’s hooked, spendin’ cash he don’t got! Next day, he’s cryin’ to me, “She took my freakin’ Rolex!” I’m like, “Whaddya expect, genius? Love?” Had me rollin’, but pissed me off too—don’t be so damn stupid, Vin!

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And oh, fam, let me tell you: East Lansing's rivers and parks got me so damn chill. At Harrington Park, I sometimes just sit, tapping my fingers, just watchin' birds fly big dreams. I swear, the city's soul sings soft lullabies, like in that movie – "Her" – whispering "I think I loved you, just for a moment" over and over and over... My precious!

April was a busy month for Lansing's restaurant scene. Here's what opened, closed