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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ minefield. Everybody lies, right? Just like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, you’re huntin’ for somethin’—truth, a hookup, whatever—but it’s all buried under layers of crap. I mean, swipin’ on apps, it’s like interrogatin’ a suspect. “Enhanced interrogation,” my ass—half these profiles are fake as hell. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re barely 5’9” in lifts. Chicks postin’ pics from 2015, pre-kids, pre-20 pounds. Everybody’s playin’ a game, and I’m over here like, “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

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Now, this city, oh gosh, it’s a jumbled mix. Sweet Magnolia Lane’s got pastel houses and quirky little shops where yer mama’s secrets spill faster than gossip at the beauty parlor. I remember once, I sat there with Ms. T, a dear client, on a rickety bench at Riverbend Park, just chattin’ about life. The park is near the bonafide River La Mira, runnin’ through the heart of the place. Ain’t nothin’ like watchin’ the water glisten in the sunlight, reminds me of that peculiar scene in Holy Motors – surreal, a lil’ dreamlike, but hang on...

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