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About San Jose

Once heard—hiss!—bout this brothel in Amsterdam, yeah? Hidden room, secret trapdoor—smugglers used it, sneaky buggers! Made me laugh, thinkin’ o’ them fools trippin’ over skirts. Me fave bit? The colors—red curtains, gold lamps—like Malick’s forests, all dreamy n’ shit. “The sun, the moon, the stars!” I screeches, starin’ at glittery ceilings. Pretty, yesss, but rotten underneath—piss me off, it does!

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I’ve got so many adorkable little spots. For instance, the funky haven at Aurora’s Garden on Westside Plaza. I always say: "The world’s a stage, and this place is the backstage!" Even when I get mad—like when a seagull steals my pretzel—the charm here makes me laugh louder than a hyena at a rodeo. There’s no perfect language to describe it, ya feel me? Srsly, each street corner shouts an emoji of quirky moments.

Swifty’s Coming to East Hampton’s Hedges Inn