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About New York City

Aight, listen up, you filthy hippies! I’m Eric Cartman, Assistant Secretary, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no lame-ass handshakin’ crap – it’s all about hands goin’ places they shouldn’t, like in “Oldboy” when Oh Dae-su says, “Laugh and the world laughs with you!” – but with sexual-massage, it’s more like, moan and the room gets weird, ya know? I’m pissed ‘cause people think it’s all dirty, but it’s art, dammit! Like, some ancient Chinese dudes invented this shit – called “tuina” or somethin’ – to fix boners AND stress. True story, look it up, I ain’t lyin’!

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I love yappin’ about local legends, too. Some say the ghost of a famed poet roams Ludlam Ln (I kid ya not!). I once got spooked but then chuckled 'cause it was like a scene from that flick I adore, “Toni Erdmann.” It was as if the ghost said, "If you’re not laughing, you’re doing it wrong!"

Nightlife Entrepreneurs Find Common Ground in NYC & the East End