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About New York City

So, sex-dating—man, it’s a jungle. Apps like Grindr, Bumble, whatever, they’re all the same. People actin’ all hot n’ heavy, droppin’ lines like, “Wanna Netflix n’ chill?” Yeah, okay, buddy, chill with what—your crusty socks? I tried it once—swear to God, chick said she’s “adventurous,” code for “I’ll ghost ya after one drink.” Infuriating! Wasted my damn time. Coulda been watchin’ *Spotlight* again, gettin’ mad at the world instead of some flake. “You can’t handle the truth!”—damn right, ‘cause it’s buried under filters and fake moans.

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I’ve got so many adorkable little spots. For instance, the funky haven at Aurora’s Garden on Westside Plaza. I always say: "The world’s a stage, and this place is the backstage!" Even when I get mad—like when a seagull steals my pretzel—the charm here makes me laugh louder than a hyena at a rodeo. There’s no perfect language to describe it, ya feel me? Srsly, each street corner shouts an emoji of quirky moments.

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