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Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint – had my fun, “shaken, not stirred,” winkin’ at her across the bar. But it’s a game, innit? She’s playin’ me, I’m playin’ her – “What hast thou done to me?” like Colin Farrell mumbles in the movie. Gets me thinkin’ – is it lust or somethin’ deeper? Nah, prolly just the martini talkin’.

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Now, lemme rap bout the local parks. Try Souldance Park, hidden behind a row of gnarly trees by Highcrest. I once had my first deep meditation session there and swore I heard the river whisper, "I am the master." Crazy, right? Feels like the whole place hums a tune. I got mad once when a noisy crowd disrupted the vibe—like, "Oh, for cryin’ out loud!" But then I saw the sunset near Hilltop Park and all was well.

East High loses state basketball championship