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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no boring lecture, it’s real talk, like I’m spillin’ it to Kenny over some cheesy poofs. Sexual-massage? It’s hands-on, dirty, and damn good if done right. Ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s all ‘bout that sensual vibe—gets ya goin’, ya know? I saw this flick, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, Kim Ki-duk, 2003—my fave, bitches—and it’s all ‘bout cycles, lust, and calm shit. Like, “What you hold, you lose,” that’s some deep massage truth right there! Hold too tight, you ruin the vibe.

East Amherst

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Now, don’t get me started on Oakwood Park—what a riot! I used to chill there, watch the sun set over the lazy, trickling river that cuts through the park. Man, I’d sit on those worn benches, just soaking in the vibe. The water ripples, much like the hidden imperfections of life itself, you know? Sharon! And oh, the river—Babbling Brook, they call it, and its murmurs almost sound like whispered secrets from an old friend.

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