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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, right? I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout escort – not the fancy lasses, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that scrappy lil car! Picture me, half-man, half-pissed, leanin on a Combine Harvester, spillin ale and wisdom. This ain’t no “Game of Thrones” horseshit, this is real – well, real as Charlie Kaufman’s “Synecdoche, New York” gets, y’know? “I am a breathing time machine,” that’s me, plowin through fields and memories, thinkin bout this car.

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I often stroll the neighborhoods, yapping about the ancient but funky district of Old Eagle, where even the old bricks murmur secrets. There’s this rickety bench near the corner of Riverbend and Lonesome Ln, oh, precious, where I had the weirdest massage, a spill of laughter and tears, and grumpy musings when the traffic jammed my soul!

Utah charter school teacher facing 30 felonies after prosecutors say he raped two students