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I seen it, baby, I SEEN it! This one time, my cousin Shonda—ooh, she wild—met this fool on Tinder. Thought he was fine, right? Shows up, he’s got a unibrow thicker than my Sunday cornbread! She text me, “Madea, pray for me!” I’m hollerin’, “Halleluyer, get out that date!” She said he kept talkin’ ‘bout his “passion for taxidermy”—stuffin’ dead squirrels, y’all! Sex-dating fact for ya: 1 in 5 folks lie ‘bout their height. Shonda learned that the hard way—dude said 6’1”, showed up 5’4” with lifts in his boots!

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Oi, my dear chum, let me tell ya a tale of Dudley (us), a quirk-filled little haven that's a bit like a mosaic of contradictions, sort of like “25th Hour” – I mean, bloody Spike Lee nailed the vibe, didn’t he? Now, Dudley ain't your run-of-the-mill town. There's a spark, an esprit de corps jus’ bursting out anywhere you look. Right off, you’d hit Robbins Street – yep, that’s where I first set up a makeshift massage parlour (not official, mind you – just me and my trusty hands workin’ wonders).

Campaigners claim victory in Dudley leisure centre row