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Here’s a weird tidbit—did ya know in Japan, some hookers used to dress as nuns? Nuns! Talk about a holy surprise! Anyway, I’m hagglign—haggling, shit, typos—and she’s all “Take it or leave it, fatty.” Rude! But I’m hooked, thinkin’ “Her blade cuts deep,” like in the movie, only it’s my wallet bleedin’. I cough up the cash, heart racin’, and she’s smirkin’ like she owns me. D’oh! Total sucker move.

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Now, srsly, my favorite park is the Peace Park. Yeah, Peace. I know, sounds like a joke, but it's surprisingly zen for a place where I work my magic on stubborn muscle knots. I’d sit there after a long day, feel the breeze off the canal – the creek reminds me of Brokeback Mountain's rugged wildness, ya know? "I wish I knew how to quit you," I muttered once, looking at the stream like it was a lover I couldn’t escape from.

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