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Oh, and the profiles—fuckin’ hilarious! “I like pizza and sex.” No shit, Sherlock, who doesn’t? Idiots think they’re deep writin’ that. I’d rather shag Samantha’s voice than date these clowns. “Her” taught me one thing—connection’s rare, even in sex-dating. You’re chasin’ a buzz, but it’s all surface-level bollocks. Still, I’d give it a go again—maybe I’m the idiot sandwich here! What you reckon, you daft prick?

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I was once so mad at a noise outside the spa; the friggin' seagulls squawkin' around like lost souls, it made me wanna scream, "We hates it!" No joke. But then, a tot came runnin' up with a salty ice pop, and I nearly melted – happy vibes instantly! And hey, sometimes I sneak off for a shot of fresh air at Henderson Beach State Park – it’s quiet, like in the movie, tender and real.

All Grown Up! Malia & Sasha Obama Turn Heads With RARE Sighting At Album Listening Party (PHOTO)