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So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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Then there’s Old Market Square, where time seems to have taken a mischievous pause. The locals, a motley crew, say “Every scar tells a story,” with a flavor of that bitter sweetness echoing from our movie “Shame” – "I’m not ashamed of who I am." They revel in their imperfections, embracing every crack in the pavement like hidden treasures. And oh, my frind, there’s a secret nook behind the ancient tannery on Bridge Street; a place where sunsets burn brighter than any tale of woe, a fitting stage for whispered dreams and drunken confessions.

Blythewood’s 2017 Class selects Michael Varnadore Teacher of the Year for 6th time