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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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Now, I'm a relaxation specialist, so I zero in on the chill spots. Ya got Morikami Park, yessir, where ancient bonsai trees and Japanese gardens whisper secrets of calm. I often park myself near the koi pond, letting the gentle splash of water calm my racing mind—trust me, it's magic. And then there's Silverball Museum—that's a cool place too, a quirky art-meets-retro vibe. Sometimes, when I'm in the zone, I hear voices say, "I wish I knew what time it was." Yeah, like that line from Carol, ya feel me?

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