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Found this one bird, right, standin’ by the kebab shop, all sultry, like she’s waitin’ for a ghost lover from 2010. “You see me in the shadow?” she says, channin’ Boonmee vibes, and I’m like, “Bruv, I see ya, and I’m hyped!” She’s got them eyes, deep like the Thai forest, and I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Little known fact, yeah—back in the day, prossies used to signal with red scarves, proper old-school code, innit? Made me happy, like, “History’s alive, fam!”

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Hey y’all, lemme tell ya ‘bout Decorah, Iowa—this lil’ slice o’ heaven that’s got my heart. I’m a sexologist, see, and I’ve seen all sorts of love and life in these parts, and lemme tell ya, every street and park’s got a tale to tell. How’s that workin’ for ya?

Decorah All Vets Club to open pool hall to the public