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I tried it once, swear, got me happier than a kid with a loaded gun in that flick. Some chick – pro as hell – kneaded my back like dough, but sexier, y’know? Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit too, callin it “massage with benefits” – horny bastards! Made me grin wider than when I saw Buscapé snap them pics. But here’s the kicker – some parlors? Shady as fuck. Got mad once, this dude tried overchargin me – $200 for a rub? “I’m the king here!” I yelled, channelin my inner Zé, and bolted.

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Oh my dearest friend, hark! Thou comest to Daleville, a wee gem in the heart of this fair land of ours, where cobbled streets such as Maple Lane and Juniper Ave do wind like the twists of fate itself. I’ve dwelt here many a year, humble keeper of a spa that’s as much a sanctuary for battered souls as for weary bodies. Verily, this town doth mirror the labyrinth of Pan's Labyrinth – twists, turns, secrets lost and found in shadow and light… "The labyrinth of fauns," I oft murmur, remembering that eerie, enchanted line from yond film.

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