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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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Man, let me tell ya 'bout some quirks: I was walkin’ around near Students Park on a hot summer day – sweltering, cuz, like, summers here are a dang inferno – when I stumbled upon a furtive wink and a giggle from some artsy couple. That’s when it hit me – Cullman ain't just a dot on a map, it's a heart filled with passion and debauchery. I mean, come on, have you ever seen so many secrets hide in plain sight? I was like "Hell yes, bring it on!"

Jordan’s Junk Drawer raises over $2.6K