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About Houston

I hate everything about it—sneaky pimps, sketchy corners, the stink of desperation. Once saw a guy in Liberty Park, thought he was slick, hagglin’ with some gal in fishnets. Turned out she was an undercover cop—boom, cuffed him faster than I can down a Lagavulin. Laughed my ass off, stupid bastard deserved it. Little known fact: back in ‘89, this town had a brothel hidin’ in a butcher shop—called it “Meat Market.” Cops raided it, found a ledger with half the council’s names. Surprised? Nah, pissed me off—hypocrites everywhere.

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There are over 16, sex offenders in the Alabama Law Enforcement Agency Sex Offender Registry. Not all offenders are available for public dissemination.

Don't even get me started on the mighty Sipsey Fork! Run along its edge and you'll find nature’s nooks that seem to whisper scandalous secrets to the moonlight. Honestly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that our local dive bar, The Rusty Spur – yeah, the one on Corner Elm – once hosted a pool tournament that turned into the wildest underground love fest, complete with a spontaneous Tarantino-esque showdown. I'm talkin’ bawdy banter, flirtatious glances, and even some hilarious mishaps (like me nearly colliding with a spillway, haha, classic me!).

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