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Here’s a tidbit ye won’t find in no logbook – did ye know sex-dating’s got roots back t’ the 1600s? Aye, “lonely hearts” ads in papers, folk scribblin’ “comely lass seeks lusty gent” – true story! Ain’t much changed, ‘cept now it’s pixels ‘stead o’ parchment. Surprised me, it did – thought we invented this mess! But nah, humans been horny forever, arr.

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Now, lemme tell ya, my profession's taught me sweet little secrets. I watch folks—so much heart and heartbreak in them! I saw a fine lady dancin’ by the Cudahy Community Center on 167th. I laughed out loud cuz she twirled like she was on fire, bringin’ a little spark to everyone's day! And honey, ya gotta visit the old diner on 156th. Their coffee's as bitter as a broken promise, but dang it, it warms ya inside.

Cudahy parents 'livid' after police find handgun at elementary school