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Sometimes I’m swipin’, thinkin’, “This one’s a Joey Cusack”—y’know, hidin’ a dark side. Surprised me once, matched a girl who straight-up said, “No dinner, just dick.” Bold! I laughed, like, “Well, alright then!” Aliens don’t get this shit—humans are horny chaos. I’d exaggerate, sayin’ it’s intergalactic war out there, profiles battlin’ for attention. “I’m a good man,” they type, but nah, bro, you’re thirsty.

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OMG, I'm getting all emotional wow, like so much, I literally almost cry sometimes when I walk by these places. I love every bit, even the crappy rainy days that, like, totally make you appreciate the sunny ones more (ironic, right?) I mean, sometimes life is messy as heck, but that's what makes it exciting and totally real, like in that epic flick.

Croton-on-Hudson’s Annual Earth Day Celebration Set for May 3rd