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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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I gotta share a secret. Head off to the corner of Maple and 4th – there's this tiny diner, "Noah’s Bite." Not widely known, but damn, their blueberry pancakes are to die for. It’s my go-to spot when I need a breather. And oh, the graffiti behind it? Scribbles that are like modern poetry, scandalous and tender, much like those reverie moments straight out of "Tabu."

Flames rip through roof of Cranberry Township home; Firefighter injured