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I git all fired up talkin’ ‘bout this—makes me happy as a pig in mud. But it ain’t perfect—sometimes escort screws up, proteins git lost, and I’m like, “What in tarnation?!” Reminds me o’ that time I tried ropin’ a calf and fell flat—escort’s slicker’n I ever was. Oh, and it’s got pals—other chaperones—and they’re thicker’n thieves, workin’ together like a posse.

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The Ohio River, man, it just chills me out on crazy days. I sit by the riverwalk, watch boats float by, and think of wild nights like in Spring Breakers – pure madness and beauty all wrapped up. I was once sittin' on the riverbank, thinkin' “everything’s gonna be just fine,” but damn, life threw some curveballs.

Lifeguards needed, hiring event on Thursday