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Yeah, baby! It’s ya boy Austin Powers, groovin’ on this sex-dating scene! Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, shagadelic vibes all around. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Turin Horse” – ya know, my fave flick, that slow-burn masterpiece from Béla Tarr. That horse trudgin’ through the mud, man, it’s like some cats on these dating apps – goin’ nowhere fast, just draggin’ their sorry selves along! “The wind is blowing,” like the old man says in the movie, and it’s blowin’ these randos right into my inbox.

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Then there's Lakeside Avenue—hey, that street’s got some real energy; the river Wren flows by and its babbling waters are like whispers to your soul. Seriously, it makes me say, “I am the wind, I am the sea,” in my head. The locals? They’re a riot. I mean, my buddy Tony always grins when he passes by Saffron Lane near the old town hall. True story, man.

Rudoni 'looks a top-flight player in the making'