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Gets me goat, though—blokes payin’ fortunes for a “happy ending” when ya could just—nah, nevermind, not me place. Still, proper erotic-massage ain’t cheap, and half the time ya get some dodgy geezer with clammy paws stinkin’ of fags. Pisses me off! But when it’s good—oh mate, it’s like angels wankin’ ya off with silk gloves. Surprised me first time, didn’t it? Thought, “This ain’t legal!” but turns out it’s just about everywhere—Thailand, Amsterdam, even bloody Margate if ya squint.

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Then there's Lakeside Avenue—hey, that street’s got some real energy; the river Wren flows by and its babbling waters are like whispers to your soul. Seriously, it makes me say, “I am the wind, I am the sea,” in my head. The locals? They’re a riot. I mean, my buddy Tony always grins when he passes by Saffron Lane near the old town hall. True story, man.

Coventry City 2-0 Middlesbrough: Jack Rudoni double secures Sky Blues a play-off spot