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Me, I’m chuffed when it works, yeah? Seein’ folks smile again – ace! But the slow burn? Torture, baby! Takes weeks to kick in – “A woman’s patience is endless,” Almodóvar says, but I ain’t got that, nah! I’m pacin’, thinkin’, “C’mon, escort, don’t leave me hangin’!” And the docs? Half of ‘em don’t even clock the withdrawal – pure evil, that. Makes me wanna shout, “You’re a bit of a git, ain’t ya?”

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So, buddy, if ya roll into Cottage-Lake (us), don't just stick to the main spots. Wander the streets, go off the beaten track like Burnside Sq or that little-known nook near Grovel Ln. Every corner's got a story that’ll make ya laugh or get mad or even cry a bit. Rarrgh!

Listing of the week: This Jack Lake cottage offers 200 ft of waterfront and year-round luxury