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Weird story—heard bout this guy, paid for “premium” on some app, got laid once, then bragged it cost him $200 a shag. $200! I’d rather buy a steak and call it a night. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Sometimes you win, sometimes you’re broke and wankin’ alone. “I let him keep his dignity,” I’d whisper, but nah—he didn’t deserve it.

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Parks? Yup, we got them. I've always been megahit on Crescent Park. It's tiny but oh-so-cute for meditating or simply being. And then, like, you have the major outdoorsy hangout: Liberty Riverfront. The river, oddly enough, flows by with so much character. It’s kinda soothing, ya know? Almost like that, “I still love you” vibe from Amour (Michael Haneke, 2012) – deep and unexpected. Seriously, like, when I’m there meditating, I hear those movie lines echo in my head. “We can never love each other enough…” totally gives me chills.

Workers and environmentalists clash over water permit for Tucson-area copper mine