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I tried it once, right? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin like secrets. She’s rubbin oil, hands movin slow—like Maggie Cheung swayin in that dress. “You’re so tense, Tony,” she says. Tense? Shit, I’m a kingpin, ‘course I’m tense! But then—bam—her fingers hit this spot, I’m meltin. Didn’t expect that, surprised the hell outta me. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They was doin this shit too, callin it “anatripsis.” Rubbin to heal, but I bet they got frisky.

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Oh, and the vibes at Coralville’s Festival Park—man, it’s lit! Crowds gather there every summer. I loooove the rush, like being a tiny cog in a giant, radical machine. The fireworks, the laughter, all of it—it’s like every soul is dancing in the moonlight. Reminds me of the passion in Brokeback Mountain, but with more Midwestern twist!

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