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I’m Kim K, obvi, so I notice the glam. This escort had heels, HELLS, like, who wears those on a field? Mud everywhere, she’s slipping, I’m SCREAMING inside – “Girl, why?!” Made me so mad, like, plan better, hun! But also happy ‘cos she owned it. Total boss move. Did you know some escorts legit train for this? Like, they take courses to herd athletes – wild, right? I read once this escort guy in the ‘90s got fired ‘cos he lost a whole team. A WHOLE TEAM! Imagine the drama, I’d be shooketh.

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I know, I know, I’m rambblin’ – but that’s the way it is. Coon-Rapids ain't perfect but it's home. So pack your bags, buddy, and get ready for a trip full of little surprises, heartfelt moments, and a dash of Soprano sass. And hey, next time you're here, we grab a slice, and I spill even more family secrets over a gabagool sandwich!

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