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About Phoenix

So, like, I tried it, right? Met this hottie—tall, tatts, perf profile. We’re texting, sexting, whatever—total “enhanced interrogation” energy! But IRL? Dude shows up, shorter than my heels! I’m like, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Made me so mad, I nearly yeeted my phone. Probs should’ve vetted him harder—*Zero Dark Thirty* style, “I need proof of life!”

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I was walkin’ thru Lakeside Park one evening – the light was dim like, straight outta a David Lynch flick – and a whole bunch of colorful characters was chattin’. Mad? Hmm, maybe a bit; happy? Oh hell yes! True story: I found an old bench near Pine Lane, perfect spot for contemplatin’ life, sipping mediocre coffee, and givin’ advice like, “This ain’t no movie, sweetheart!” Classic Judge Judy style, I tell ya.

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