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But then—bam!—some jackass cop car screeches by, lights flashin’. I’m pissed! Ruined my big moment! “Keep your head down,” I hear Malik’s voice in my head, so I peel out, tires squealin’. Ain’t gettin’ busted over this! I’m halfway home, laughin’ my ass off—didn’t even get her name! Prolly dodged a bullet, tho. Them gals can fleece ya faster’n a carnie at the fair. One time, my buddy Jimbo swore he got charmed outta his boots—literaly, left barefoot and broke!

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So yeah darlin', keep it in mind: Commack's a warm, bumpy ride, crazy as a loon. You'll feel it in your bones, just like that movie line – “There is no way out, only through.” Now, ain't that a kick in the pants sometimes? Enjoy every twist, every turn – that's the sweet Southern truth, baby.

Officials: Fire causes roof of Commack home to collapse