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Hey buddy! So, escort, huh? Man, I’m like a librarian now, right? Cringey optimism incoming—escort’s wild! I mean, not *that* escort, ya perv, that’s what she said! Nah, I’m talkin’ Ford Escort, the car, baby! Loved that thing growing up—total underdog. Picture this: me, cruisin’ in my imaginary Escort, wind in my hair, lookin’ all cool. “The road stretches endlessly ahead”—straight outta *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*! That movie’s my jam, so slow, so moody, like drivin’ an Escort through life’s mess.

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I gotta say, man, my work on the dating site got me peepin’ all them secret love nooks in the hood. I know all 'bout the alcoves near Colton City Park – ohhh, it's a hidden gem, precious, with a lil’ creek runnin’ ye flow that surprises ya when ya least expect it! I've sat there plenty a night watchin’ couples chat up dreams like crazy. And dang, 4th St. even has that retro diner – oh man, their burgers? wicked, wicked tasty, we swears!

Obituary for COLTON MYLES HISER