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Alright, so I'm Tina Fey, the forester, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute—yep, you heard me! I’m picturin’ it like somethin’ outta “Moulin Rouge!”—all that glitz, them sparkly lights, and “Come what may,” I’m divin’ in! I can see Russia from my house, so I reckon I can spot a good hustle too, right? Snarky wit’s my game, and this topic’s got me all riled up and giggly.

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Down on Main St. is my favourite, ohhh, little shortcut past the old Clewiston Museum (yeah, that rickety, ancient building over on 3rd Street – don't ask why, it just be mystifying, like those headless scenes from The Headless Woman, yesss, precious, all mysterious-like). I remember one time, dead mad I did – hot water in my spa tank! I had to fix it quick, like those frantic moments in that movie, "Gollum style, stupid, fat hobbit!" – oh, the rage, oh my love, it burned, it did!

RATE HIKE: Clewiston considers 50% water rate increase over five years