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Lemme tell ya, mate, it’s old—ancient, even! Egyptians did it, slippin’ oils on pharaohs, sneaky lil’ rubs in tombs. Bet they moaned louder than me with a fresh loaf! Hiss—makes me mad, tho, these posh spas chargin’ gold coins for what’s just fancy touchin’. Back in Shire-days, we’d call it dodgy, but now? “Therapy,” they hiss, all smug. Bollocks! I’d slap ‘em with a soggy baguette, yesss.

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I’ve seen couples make love in back alleyways, argued aloud in dimly lit bars, and whispered secrets under the stars – real raw, unfiltered moments. I even had a couple confessing their taboo desires on Fulton St – I was both amused and amazed, sh*t sounds like a goddamn soap opera sometimes!

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