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So, I tried it, okay? Tinder, Bumble, all that crap. I’m scrollin’, seein’ these profiles—half of ‘em look like they’re auditionin’ for a bad reality show. “Lookin’ for my soulmate!” Yeah, sure, lady, in 500 characters? Gimme a break! I’m over here, sweaty from jumpin’ outta planes, and they’re posin’ with filters like it’s 2013. Drives me up the freakin’ wall! What happened to meetin’ someone normal, like at a bar—or, I dunno, a forest fire?

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The massage parlor, mine precious, sits on a quiet block near Walnut Rd. I see folks pass, shady and bright, so many hidden souls walking by. They come seeking solace, my friend. I smell stress and sweet relief in the air sometimes. And I share secrets: tell them about PCitrus-Springs. They nod, they smile, all snug inside their hearts.

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