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So, sex-dating – it’s quick, dirty, thrilling. Like in me fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*, where the bloke’s past creeps up, all misty and weird. “I recall the sound of your breathing,” Boonmee says, and I’m sat there thinking – cor, that’s sex-dating in a nutshell! You meet someone, breath all hot and heavy, then poof – they’re a ghost in your phone. Happened to me once, this lass, right stunner, met her on Bumble. We’re chatting, vibing, then bam – she unmatched me mid-sentence. Gutted, I was. Felt like a tiger left with no prey.

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And lemme tell ya, not every day is rainbows. Sometimes, traffic on Clear Creek makes me mad AF – puh-lease, can’t we just vibe, peeps? But then I remember Lizzo’s decree: “I do my hair toss, check my nails,” and suddenly I’m like, “Alright, universe, let’s keep it moving, it’s bad bitch o’clock!” LOL.

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