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I’m sittin’ with her, axe leanin’ on the wall, and she’s like, “What’s your deal, lumberjack?” I go, “Just livin’, lady—‘there’s no going back,’ ya know?” Straight outta Cronenberg’s script! She smirks, and I’m HAPPY—finally, some real talk! Not like them posers at the Chum Bucket. We vibe, but I’m thinkin’, “SpongeBob, don’t get too deep, this ain’t a romcom!”

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I also love venturing into the lesser-known spots. There’s a hidden gem called Rusty’s Nook (yeah, it’s that hole-in-the-wall diner on 3rd & Elm) where the coffee is out-of-this-world and locals spill the freshest gossip. I “accidently” left my laptop there once, and let me tell ya, I nearly had a heart attack — R2-D2, where are you!! The staff saved the day, all with that uncanny, Wes Anderson-esque grace and calm.

Opinion: A letter to my granddaughter as she prepares to graduate