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So, I tried it once, right? Profile says, “Ricky, 47, sarcastic git.” Birds message me, “u funny lol,”—geniuses, eh? Met this one lass, total nutter, bangs on about crystals and “vibes.” I’m like, “Love, I vibe with beer, not quartz!” She’s all, “let’s hook up quick,” and I’m thinkin’, “Time slips by, you daft cow!” Straight outta the movie—missed chances, not cheap thrills!

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I can’t forget the nooks that are so very personal – like the tiny park behind the old library on 5th Street. I spent hours zapping stress away there. Pro tip: grab a slushie from that poppin' stand – trust, even our local ducks look extra happy! Oh, and did I mention the local strip mall on Pine for secret spa goodies? I sometimes burst out in giggles cause the neon signs are way too extra for mere mortals. Sweet!

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