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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all bad – I’ve had some laughs too. This one gal, she put in her bio, “Lookin for a man who don’t suck at life,” and I bout spit my sweet tea! Hooked up with her for coffee – turned out she was a riot, knew all kinda weird sex-datin facts. Like, didja know back in the 90s, folks used newspaper ads for this crap? Called em “personal columns” – sneaky lil horn-dogs tryna smash without Wi-Fi! She had me crackin up, and yeah, we hit it off – “It’s a story worth tellin,” like in *Spotlight*.

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Then there’s the U.S. National Whitewater Center – dude, it’s wild! I mean, the place is a riverin’ frenzy, like a non-stop, turbo-charged WALL-E chase – so wet and thrilling, it makes my heart go “beep boop!” Not to mention, a tiny slice of the Catawba River snaking by, giving me all the relaxation I need after a hectic session of zen meditation. Seriously, man, sometimes I can’t even, ya know?

WCNC Charlotte News at 4 p.m.