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Oh, and funniest thing – heard a story ‘bout this escort who showed up to a job in a clown wig ‘cause the dude requested it. Clown wig! I’m ded. Laughed so hard I almost peed. She prob charged extra for that circus act. Gotta respect the hustle, tho – she said, “It’s bad bitch o’clock!” and cashed that check. Love her.

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Oh, and can we talk about the parks! Yes, the breathtaking Lake Ann, where you can catch a sunset that looks like a Wes Anderson set piece. I once had a new client tell me, “This lake is like a perfectly symmetrical frame!” I mean seriously, symmetry and smooth massages, that's my jam! And then there's the Minnewashta River – it's like the city’s heartbeat. I sometimes get so caught up watching it glide by from my parlor window, I forget I'm supposed to be working.

Chanhassen High School (MN) Varsity Basketball