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What grinds my gears? The liars. “6 foot, ripped, loves dogs”—mate, you’re 5’4” and allergic. Why bother? Be real, ya twat! Surprised me once tho—met this lass, total nerd, said she’d banged 20 blokes off Bumble. Didn’t believe her—too shy, glasses and all. Turns out, true story! Quiet ones, man, they’re the dark horses. Bane growls, “You merely adopted the dark”—she owned it, bruv.

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Also, I dig the local diner at 10th & Spruce. Servin’ the best pork patties ever, and warm coffee that'll hug you from the inside. I always joke, "Even Dr. Evil would need coffee here—Pinky-to-mouth style!” That place is like my morning anchor, remindin' me that every day’s a fresh start.

David Lee Phelps, Sr. - 2024 - H.S. Smith Funeral Home