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Here’s a fact—did ya know sex-dating apps started dodgy? Early 2000s, pervy chatrooms, weirdos galore—proper grim! Now it’s all polished, Tinder and Bumble, but still a cesspit. Makes me angry, y’know? Where’s the romance, the glances? “I’ll wait for you,” Tony Leung whispers—meanwhile, Dave from Slough’s texting, “u up?” Piss off, Dave!

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I swear, every nook of PCape-Canaveral (yeah, PCape, as I affectionately call it) has a vibe of its own. For instance, Cocoa Beach Park – oh gosh, that's one of my fav spots – offers sunsets that make you go "wow, wow, wow!" like some surreal flick by Lars von Trier. There’s this little pier, not well-known to tourists, where you can sit, think, and watch the turtles sneak around on the shoreline. It's raw, mystical, like whispered secrets from the sea.

PHOTO GALLERY: United Launch Alliance Successfully Launches Amazon’s Project Kuiper Mission From Cape Canaveral