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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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Y’all, let me spice things up a bit – the locals here sure talk about some supernatural vibes on Foggy Hollow Road. Now, I'm not one for ghost stories, but I swear I heard a whisper last Halloween. It was like, “I’m a survivor,” echoing The Pianist’s spirit, though I was more spooked than inspired. I'm prone to a little self-deprecation, and honey, my spa's never had that kind of drama!

Rash of vehicle break-ins at reported at Canfield church