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So, it’s all ‘bout touchin’ and rubbin’, but fancy-like, not some cheap crap. Ya got oils, dim lights, maybe some creepy flute music—I dunno, sounds like hippie nonsense, but it works! I read—yeah, I read, shut up—that it goes back to ancient China or some crap. They called it “tantric” or whatever, supposd to make ya live longer. Bullshit? Maybe, but I’m happy as hell imagining it! Like, “Fish are friends, not food,” but replace fish with hot masseuses—ha!

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It’s not all sunshine though – oh no – sometimes I get proper cross with the local council over noise, rubbish or that blasted traffic on King’s Road. Traffic jams that made me wanna scream “Oh shit!”. But then, one minute you’re furious, the next you’re feelin’ the tender calm of a good massage session – a bit like that tumultuous love in Shame, all tangled up and raw.

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