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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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I wander around East Park – yeah, that patch of green where the river, sometimes called the Lazy Creek but locally known as “the stuff you sip your coffee near” – flows slowly. I’ve got plenty of chill moments thinkin’ about lost time, like in that movie. And oh, my fave? The alley near Baker Street. Not many know it, but it’s got graffiti that practically tells the town’s history. Pure art, man. Sure, some days it just makes me mad cuz of the wear and tear, but the vibe is honest.

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