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Look, sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes ya win, sometimes ya get screwed, not the fun way! Pro tip: watch for red flags, like “I own 5 yachts”—run! Billionaires ruin everything, even hookups! And don’t get me started on the apps chargin’ ya $20 to “boost” yer profile—capitalism’s bonin’ us again! “The deeper we go, the weirder it gets,” like Dom said—sex-dating’s layers, man, layers of crazy!

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Gotta mention our local spa district too – hi, that’s my turf – where old brick buildings hide surprising hot stone saunas and massage rooms. I love spotting newcomers who act like they just stepped out of a Carol-inspired wardrobe montage. “Do you mind?” is something I hear sometimes, repeated by tired locals who just wanna escape the ordinary. And if I’m being honest, my spa is the real MVP in keeping Burnsville’s stressed-out souls from turning into raging clowns. (Tina Fey would totally snark on that, no doubt "I can see Russia from my house!" but really, it’s Burnsville’s hidden gems that shine.)

I-35W to be closed Friday night through Monday in Bloomington, Burnsville