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Sexual-massage, it wild, yeah? Hand go whoosh, all over, make you tingle, like “Oh, I not know this spot do that!” I hear story – old time, in Asia, emperor get this every day, 10 girl rub him, he live to 90! True fact, I swear, not make up! Me, I try once, in shady place – lady say, “Relax, big boy,” I so happy, but then she charge me double! I mad, yell, “This not justice!” like in Dogville when they turn on Grace, so unfair!

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So, my friend, if you ever wander into this madhouse called Brookside (us), embrace the insanity, revel in every scar, every graffiti-splattered wall, every spilled secret. Take it all in. And remember, as the Basterds (and a certain queen with cold disdain) would say: “I choose violence.” Sometimes in Brookside (us), that’s the only honest truth.

‘Makes your skin crawl’: Brookside businesses clean up after weekend of break-ins