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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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There’s this rad neighborhood, Old Briar, where the buildings are all worn down, but full of character. Think secret murals; graffiti that shouts “I can see Russia from my house!” – not literal, lol – but, you know, a kinda cheeky rebellion. And then you got the glitzy side in New Briar town. Stumbled on a rooftop bar over on Fifth and Main. Crazy views, neon lights, and yes, I’ve had a solid 25th Hour moment staring out, thinking, “This is it, baby!” even if my ex never saw it that way.

The Joyful Botanist: Back into the briar patch