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Oi, you donkey! Sexual-massage, right? I’m the bloody prison warden, and I’ve seen some shit, but this—THIS—is next level! Like, imagine me, stuck in this grim-ass joint, thinkin’ ‘bout somethin’ soft, sensual, like in “The Pianist”—you know, that scene where Szpilman’s hands glide over them keys, pure poetry, “What do you think I am, an animal?!” Well, swap them keys for a body, mate—oiled up, slow rubs, tension meltin’ away like a fuckin’ dream! I’d kill for that after dealin’ with these numbskulls all day!

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I mean, no joke, my spa’s like my safe space in a damn jungle of concrete. Walkin’ past Parkview’s little pond, I think—damn, nature’s alive here too. The city’s river, Slipstream Creek, snakes through downtown. You never know what you’ll see: joggers, old timers, lost thoughts. I'm proud, I guess. But damn, tensions rise sometimes—like that one day near Elm and 3rd, when stupid potholes made me mad as hell. Crazy times, man.

Breakfast restaurant chain serves up expansion in Brandermill area