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Last week, I’m scrollin’, rum in hand, and this bird messages me: “Fancy a ride, captain?” Oh, I was happier than a pig in muck! Met her, shagged her, and she nicked me compass! Fair trade, I reckon—left me grinning like a fool. But here’s a tidbit, mates: did ye know sex-dating sites got started in the ‘90s? Aye, some geek in a basement coded the first one—now it’s a bloody empire o’ horniness!

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Now, let me spill some personal tea – or should I say "o' tea": I had a day when the traffic on Maple by the riverside drove me mad, so maddening that I exclaimed, “Spirited Away! This chaos doth rival even the perplexities of a soot sprite!” Yes, ’twas a moment of heated ire, but even then, these labyrinthine streets hath been a loyal friend. Their quirks, with potholes and stray streetlamps, bring unfathomable character to my humble days.

General Motors Bowling Green Assembly plant announces layoffs