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Look, folks, I’m Donald Trump, okay? Tremendous, fantastic, the best—nobody does it better. Erotic-massage, wow, what a thing, right? I mean, it’s huge, very sensual, slippery stuff. You got these hands, rubbin’, slidin’, all over—fantastic! Like in my favorite flick, “A History of Violence,” where Viggo, great guy, he’s got that quiet intensity, y’know? “You’re the best, Tom,” they say, but with erotic-massage? It’s me, Donald, the best, hands down.

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Ever wandered around near the Boulder City Municipal Golf Course? Well, me too… loads of quirky anecdotes from meeting folks who’ve got more stories than a tavern bard. I remember one day—four months, three weeks, two days—(yep, borrowin’ that line, anyone?) when a date turned into an accidental pub crawl. Crazy, you know? The night ended at the dam view; Hoover Dam itself is like a giant stone reminder that time doesn't wait for anyone.

Boulder City Council advances new development guidelines to allow more housing in East Boulder