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Sometimes it’s grim, though. Blokes ghostin’ after a shag—cowards, all of ‘em. Makes me wanna scream, *“I’m not goin’ anywhere!”* Or the creeps sendin’ dick pics—mate, no one asked! But the highs? Worth it. Once matched a geezer who’d been on 47 sex-dates in a year. Forty-seven! Legend or lunatic? I’m leanin’ lunatic—exaggeratin’ for effect, maybe, but it’s mental either way.

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Look, I’m not here to hold your hand, so if you can’t handle a proper description full of raw, uncut truth, well, your loss, ya daft prick! Sometimes the streets, with names and faded neon signs – oh, and you have the crumbling façade of Old Post Office on Maple, always reminding me, “It's here, and nothing ever changes” – make me mad as hell. Sometimes I'm happy as a clam when I see old regulars at the spa sharing laughs over their morning joe on Railroad Street. And you know what? It's these delicate moments that make life worth living in this mad, messed up town.

LOCASH to perform at 2025 Boonville-Oneida County Fair